Definition of a GEEK

By Moira Stone from the Indiana Daily Student


Geeks are the most manageable, romantic, responsible and handy type of person available. He is kind, thoughtful and imaginative, he’s also been know to wire stereos, fix computers and write bad love poetry.

The geek is not to be confused by “the saved by the Bell” Screech. A geek is a person who is a computer expert, feels at home with all things technical and can type faster than any human being you’ve ever seen. A geek’s pad is usually filled with a myriad of expensive and obscure techno-compu-gadgets. A geek can make an obscene amount of money doing consulting or programming work on his computer. A geek is powerful in ways normal people cannot understand. Bill Gates is a Geek.

On the other hand a Nerd is a poor, pitiful creature. A nerd might have the equivalent technical prowess as a geek, but a nerd is trapped in his own world because of his utter lack of social skills.

Nerds populate Internet chat rooms in droves, looking for another person to “interface with.” Nerds, I assure you, make up the majority of those who pursue or purvey pornography on the World Wide Web. (Journalists from the Time Magazine make up the rest.)

Nerds are to be avoided until they either emerge from their larval form and become geeks or get hired by Microsoft and disappear into a basement to code for the next twenty years.

To find a geek of your very own, you must go to their natural habitat – the university computer clusters and support centers on campus. Another place to find one is a place full of techno gadgets. You could try looking at Radio Shack or Best Buy but you will have to avoid the video game area. Remember – a nerd will inhabit a computer lab; a geek will run it. The best way to spot one in a crowd is by what he’s wearing. If it looks like something his mother picked out, be on the look for a nerd.

Once you’ve spotted a geek that strikes your fancy, there are certain rules that must be followed in courting him:

1. Compliment his home page. Don’t worry about him having one – he does. They all do. Geeks set up home pages and work on them religiously. It is their secret hope that some beautiful women will stumble upon it on the Web and fall madly in love with their pithy Amiga jokes.

2. Make an obscure “Star Trek” reference. But be sure you have the knowledge to back this up. If you don’t know your Voyager from your DS9 or your Kirk from your Chakotay, you’re out of luck.

3. Make an equally obscure “X-files” reference. If you are already an “X-files” fan this part should be easy. If not, just dye your hair red.

4. Make it known that you can cook, drop a quote from Stephen Hawking and demonstrate that your IQ is considerably higher than his all in one breath. He’ll follow you to the ends of the Earth.

The benefits of dating a geek are numerous. Business majors eventually take their “secretaries,” poli-sci people want votes, not love, and all the psychology majors think they are the next Freud.

A Geek, once yours, is true and faithful. You must occasionally take a back seat to a net game of Descent, but nothing beats your own personal on-call computer consultant.

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