We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules:
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it!
2. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.
4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
6. Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
7. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
9. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
10. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
11. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
12. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
13. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
14. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
15. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
16. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
17. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.
18. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape!