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People ask me why I talk like a hillbilly. I always tell ‘em, “’Cause I are one, ‘un I’m old enough to get away with it.”

Here’s some things my ol’ pappy should’ve told me when I wuz a growin’ up back in tha hills but he didn’t ‘un I hada learn ‘em tha hard way.

1-”Anger is just one letter short uv danger.”

2-”Listen has the same letters as tha word silent.”

3-”Yer neighbor’s windows look better if ya wash yer own first.”

4-”Ya open a lot uv things by mistake, but none as often as yer mouth.”

5-”Children might close their ears ta advice but they shore keep their eyes open ta a bad example.”

6-”With today’s high prices, when ya don’t buy something ya save even more money than ya used to.”

7-”It don’t cost nuthin’ ta say somethin’ nice about somebody.”

8-”Don’t give anybody a piece of yer mind unless ya can spare it.”

9-”Waynedale is composed uv takers ‘un givers. Tha takers eat better but tha givers shore sleep a heap better.”

10-”Ya can’t climb a ladder with yer hands in yer pockets.”

11-”A turtle wouldn’t get nowhere if he didn’t stick his neck out.”

12-”Yer happy if yer too busy to be miserable.”

13-”Ya know ya have willpower if ya can eat only one potato chip.”

14-When ya shop in Waynedale in the summer time keep yer car windows closed  ‘un lock yer car doors. If you don’t, yer friends’ll fill it up with zucchini. Un’ it also ain’t a good time ta drive yer pickup truck ta town; y’all will get even more uv’em.

15-’Un his final word about givin’ advice might have been, “DON’T GIVE IT.”

Till next time, keep whittlin’.


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