If you're not the problem,
you'll have very few.
The Death of an Irishman
(A friend told me this story and swore it was the truth. I enhanced it a little and changed the names to protect the not so innocent).
Two Irish friends were sitting in a pub having a jar or two and chatting about a chum who had just died that morning.
"Are you going to the funeral?" Liam asked Dudley.
"Cause he ain't coming to mine."
An Old Gaelic Blessing
May those who Love us, love us,
And those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't, may He turn
Their ankles so we'll know them,
By their limping.
The Fat Fanny
People are getting larger, yet the airlines are making their seats smaller.
This enables the airlines to add a few more seats and the more seats, the more people they can get on the plane.
Either they want us to get to know our neighbors, or they don't want my fat fanny on board.