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MRS. WAYNEDALEOoooooooo- oohhhhhhhhhhhhh I just have to tell you, Wayne, my little dumplin’, did the clumsiest thing recently. He spilled hot coffee in his lap. Oh, I don’t mean that was the worst clumsiest thing he’s ever done; it was the beginning of a chain reaction, what I like to call the domino effect. After the hot coffee found its small target and you can guess what that target was, the pain caused him to jump up, yell wwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaa or something like that and I should have capitalized that word because it was so loud. He’s cleaned up his screams a lot; normally it would have been something like ssssssshhhhhhhiiiiiii . . . . . !

It’s a good thing we were home at the time because the crowd rushing to our door was held to three curious neighbors and one paperboy. It was not a stampede like it would have been if it had happened in a restaurant. Deed I haven’t heard him yell so loud since the time he was shaving in the nude and leaned up against a metal sink and pulled on the light chain – there was a short in the switch at the time and, well, the electricity found the ‘shortest’ way to ground and you can guess the rest even to the smell of burnt hair. I just know that smarted. It’s a good thing they made small Band-aids.

Anyway, after he jumped up from the dining room table and yelled the above word, he tried to wipe away the hurt, pain, and hot coffee with the table cloth which just happened to pull everything off the table and onto the chair where I had been setting earlier. This did not set well with our cat, Muffin who was taking a nap on one of the other chairs. She ran into the living room and climbed the drapes. She was screeching all the time, which was muffled because she had her head caught in a coffee cup. It sounded a little like a pet squirrel when you take its nuts away and ooooohhhhh they can be fussy; I can tell you that.

I now have to go to K-Mart and pick out new drapes for the living room because Muffin shredded the ones she climbed. I dyed the tablecloth brown to hide the stain but now it looks like it’s been dragged through a barnyard; the only thing missing is the smell.

Wayne and I got on an exercise kick last week and walked down to the heart of Waynedale to mail a letter at the post office, do some shopping at the Dollar General, General Dollar or whatever Dollar it’s called; there’s getting to be so many of them you know. We wound up eating lunch at Arby’s restaurant. I know it’s been a while since we last ate there but we found out that they now have a value menu. Everything is about a buck on the list, so if we ordered six items our bill should be around $6 plus tax; right?

We ordered two shakes, two junior sandwiches, and two fries. The bill was $7.98 and I asked, “For what?” We thought we’d been short sandwiched but noticed that it was our mistake. It’s a good thing we didn’t say anything; we would have been so embarrassed. We checked our bill and found that we had ordered wrong. We ate the sandwiches, enjoyed the fries, and drank their milk shakes. We did get full but I’m sure it wasn’t just the fresh air that made the food taste good. We had ordered the regular shakes and not the value shakes which were a tad smaller but we would have saved about a dollar forty which made more sense. So, seniors, if you go to Arby’s and want to save money, order off the VALUE menu and save your pension money. A simple way to figure your bill is to multiply the number of items by $.99 and add the number of items times $.07 cents (tax) and you’ll come pretty close to the total of your bill. I just use $1.00 and add $.06 cents for each item; it’s so much easier. Order anything else and you’d better take a long a calculator.

Till next time, TAA TAAA.

 

“Wayne, stop; you’ll lose your Band-aid.”

 


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