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Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I just have to tell you that Wayne and I want to wish each and every one of you lovely people out there who read our quaint little column of us and our happenings in and around our little village of Waynedale, Indiana – a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and a big and prosperous New Year.
I want to also extend a very Merry Christmas to the ACLU and the Jehovah’s Witnesses, after all God made them too so he must love them in spite of what they are trying to do to His Son’s Birthday. We want to wish every one of you all a Merry Christmas, not a “happy holiday.”  
Wayne, the childish little dear, and I just love this time of year but not like most of you people who think shopping is what it’s all about. We’ve simplified our Christmas this year. Besides giving money to one of our favorite charities, we bought each other a new sweat suit and some fuzzy slippers. Wayne’s suit is Mossy Oak camouflage and his slippers are brown and hairy and resemble the Tasmanian devil. My sweat suit is pink and my slippers look like something out of a Barbie dollhouse – matching tan bunny rabbits with little red eyes and pink noses. That’s it; that’s what we did for Christmas, although the outfits will mostly be worn when we go to the store or if company knocks on our door before December 23rd.
On the morning of December 24th we’ll be at a little log cabin up in the mountains somewhere out there. I won’t tell you the location because even our kids don’t know where it’s located. We had the owner rent it to us for the whole week to cover both Christmas and New Year’s Day. We should be back the day after 2011 begins. Wish us luck on having a white Christmas.
The owner is such a sweetie; he said he would get a fire going in the fireplace and have the cabin all nice and warm for us to throw our sweat suits aside and enjoy the time Au Natural, like we did on Thanksgiving only we stayed at home. Of course the suits will come in handy when we have to go to the little house out back or to the sauna. Let’s hope there’s enough snow to roll in after we get out of the hot box. We should cool off before we get in the hot tub, don’t you think?
MRS. WAYNEDALEThe man said he would put up a little tree for us, string a few lights out on the lawn, and stock the icebox with our favorite food and drinks (we sent him a huge enough deposit and a list of things to get).  This was the rest of our gift to each other.
Now our ideal Christmas will be to spend it together in front of a fire in the fireplace with a few scented candles and the other lights turned down low, and Christmas music playing softly on an old radio in the background. There is no TV there so we won’t be distracted and for that length of time we won’t care what the rest of the world is doing; we’ll even turn our cell phone off. The man also said there were several boxes of jigsaw puzzles in a closet and a Parcheesi game in case we get tired of what we’re doing like they did on Golden Pond, I just love that movie.
We’ll eat at a fancy restaurant on the way up there and have midnight snacks of stinky cheeses, Italian and Irish sausages, fancy crackers, and some kind of sandwich spread that Ben said he would give us right before we leave. He said that it should be eaten as soon as possible and not frozen because it’s a whole lot better fresh. I hope it’s not groundhog again; maybe it’s made from one of the deers he caught. Oh, well, I’m sure it will be delicious. We’ll enjoy it very much while snuggling in front of the fire. And I want to thank The Waynedale News management for their gift.
Before I close and get started on packing my toothbrush and comb, which is all I’ll need, I’d like to tell you this one thing. We will get back into letting our senior citizen friends know where we find some good pension saving bargains in the area just as soon as we get back home. In the meantime I want them to go to the library and check to see if they have some books called: The Tightwad Gazette, The Tightwad Gazette II and The Tightwad Gazette III by Amy Dacyczyn. (There may be more of them in the series by now – we borrowed the three we’re reading from a relative and are copying the really good tips into our notebook).
They are all about how to save money and you would be surprised as to how the author does it; she is a woman you know and she has no bones about what she calls ‘Dumpster Diving’ (checking dumpsters for things people throw away that are still good and she gives you tips on where to find the best ones).
Even if you have to go out and buy the books, you’ll save enough to more than pay for them; I guarantee it. We have dyed up some old sweat suits into matching black dumpster diving outfits and Wayne and I will be trying them out as soon as it gets warmer. Wayne looks so cute in his outfit, somewhat like the cross between a little pudgy Ninja and a short Sumo wrestler. All he needs now is a hemp rope jock strap.   
We’ll see you all next year right here on the inside of the back page of The Waynedale News.
Until next time,
TAA TAAA.
“Wayne, that’s not where you put mistletoe.”


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