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The deal's not done until the
check clears the bank.

If you drink regular or diet pop, I can promise two things that won't happen to you. First, you won't get any healthier and second, you won't get any sweeter. Sorry about that.

The Ketchup Bottle
Shake shake the ketchup bottle, first none will come and then a lot'll.
(It is commonly thought Ogden Nash was the author of the above ditty, but actually it was Richard Armour).

I Know Jack
This morning as I was walking in Foster Park, I met an eighty eight-year-old man. After talking with him for a few minutes, I asked him his name.
"My name's Perry. That's Perrey with an "E." There's not too many of them around. If their name is spelled with an "E," they're probably relatives of mine. My first name is John, but my mother called me Jack from the day I was born and I've been called "Jack" all my life."

"Oh," I said, "Does that mean once you go Jack, you never go back?"

Jim Schindler
Author: Jim Schindler
About This Author
A graduate of John Carroll University and a successful businessman, the founder/CEO of Bandido's Mexican restaurants. Jim writes the "Schindler Sez" column in the newspaper. He also authors a series of books of short, true, and humorous stories. Read More...

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